we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
