Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I did not marry a roomba.
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