I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
