Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
