You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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