i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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