I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
