i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize