there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
