how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
