Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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