This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
