my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
