I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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