if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
