Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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