You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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