I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize