who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
