I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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