My sheets look like a crime scene.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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