My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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