There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
