i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
