Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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