2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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