So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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