Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
