The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
