And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
