Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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