i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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