If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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