if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
