So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
