the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
