i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize