He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Couch. On fire.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize