I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
