Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
