I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
