Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
