God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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