If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
