I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
