I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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