The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
barbara walters just said penis...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
