I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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