did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize