i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
