You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
