she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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