You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
