you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
