you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
