The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
