i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
