Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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