Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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