I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
