she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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