you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
third nipple confirmed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize