i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
