First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i've created a new STD.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
