I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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