just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
