This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize