i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
