You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
