you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
