This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize