my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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