He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
