So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
