it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
