he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
