he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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